gayweirdbird:

look, darcy’s character arc is basically him riding a bicycle leisurely down a nice paved path until he gets distracted by a pair of fine eyes and accidentally veers off and ends up hurtling down a rocky incline at 120mph for 7 hrs because the brakes on this fucking bike do not fucking woRK, FITZ, and he’s going to die but he can’t stop thinking about experienced mountain biker lizzie

who he keeps glimpsing through the trees and at one point for an ELECTRIC 5 MINUTES they ride side by side and have an intense conversation about bike models and darcy is like “this is the most erotic moment of my life"

and at last he can hold back no longer and words comes hurtling out of his mouth at roughly the same speed he is hurtling down this mountain “YOU MUST ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU HOW ARDENTLY I ADMIRE AND LOVE YOU” he shouts once, then twice, and he has to shout 6 times because lizzie 30 ft. ahead of him and listening to her ipod

but he catches up and is like “i hate coniferous forests yet i continue to pine for you. turning left at that fork bcs i was distracted by how pretty your eyes are was the worst decision i’ve ever made, at least i was able to save bingley from this misery by suggesting he take up yachting instead bcs biking is awful, your hick family is awful, that wickham guy i saw you chatting with at the last rest stop is awful, this is awful will you marry me”

and lizzie, offended to the core by his horrible tree pun and slew of insults and terrible face is like “i had not seen you ride for FIVE MINUTES before i knew you were the last biker in the world whom i could EVER BE PREVAILED UPON TO MARRY. MAYBE CHECK YOUR BRAKES NEXT TIME BEFORE YOU START RIDING BUSH LEAGUE” 

and then she just rides by without even a glance, the cycler’s Cut Direct

darcy: [stunned silence]

fitz, riding past on a mountain segway: u hecked up

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